virgin orgasm

2010-01-16T13:45:00.001-08:00

surprise! we're going to Sybaris for a romantic weekend of riding slides into hot tubs full of champagne

2009-01-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

getting mail is a better way of confirming that you haven't become invisible than running into a wall is.

2009-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

stimulate my intellectual clitoris

2009-01-06T19:44:00.001-08:00

you strut like a stallion but you fuck like a mule

2008-12-15T12:52:00.001-08:00

i have devoted my life to the clitoris

2008-12-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

uhhhnnn, caress me down

2008-11-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

this blog will self-destruct

2008-11-21T12:56:00.001-08:00

you are uninteresting but good at sex so i'll let you stick around

2008-11-21T02:18:00.001-08:00

my hands are cold let me put them in your mouth

2008-11-19T06:15:00.001-08:00

i use masturbation as a means of avoiding despair

2008-11-18T22:26:00.000-08:00

i want to vibrate my membranes against yours in the eleventh dimension. string theory, bitches.

2008-11-18T19:31:00.000-08:00

when i was eating some generic lucky charms one of the marshmallows stuck to my lip and it fell off and went beneath the couch and i am not going to look for it.

2008-11-18T17:54:00.000-08:00

when i die i want you to snort my ashes. later i will grow out of your hair.

2008-11-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

i just went to rub my tooth and my fingernail slipped up into my gumline and i could feel the gumline tear and now it hurts and i am licking it.

2008-11-18T17:43:00.000-08:00

i like shark bites better than gushers and i like everything too

2008-11-18T17:39:00.000-08:00

ryan manning when it is hot outside i lick the bones of your pelvis clean and they stick to my mouth.

2008-11-18T17:36:00.003-08:00

i am wearing clothes and i have on a shirt that has a big blue stain on it and i think it's from a bic pen--i need to become dead in your car.

2008-11-18T17:33:00.000-08:00

hey ryan manning and hey lisa ladehoff and hey blake butler and hey olivia robin and hey you won't be able to cover up when i start kicking you.

2008-11-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

when i walked out of my room two seconds ago my belt loop caught on the metal device that holds the door closed and the button on my pants is currently not working and i don't know how to fix it and i have to say i am completely ruined.

2008-11-18T08:38:00.000-08:00

hot like the blue line at 8:34 a.m.

2008-11-17T11:38:00.000-08:00

r.i.p. hopes and dreams

2008-11-16T11:08:00.000-08:00

i like you but you suck at being my muse

2008-11-15T13:24:00.001-08:00

i want to fuck her so hard that her ancestors are offended

2008-11-13T22:57:00.000-08:00

Lisa 'Left Eye' whatchacallit had her buzzsaw in my yaint

2008-11-13T07:47:00.000-08:00

please send me your vagina on an airplane

2008-11-10T09:34:00.001-08:00

stop me if you've heard this one before

2008-11-09T14:56:00.001-08:00

let's get pornographic

2008-11-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

after you die i will keep paying your phone bill so i can call you and leave messages that you'll never return, it will be just like you are still alive

2008-11-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

you're still the only person on my list of people i have fondled in a ball pit

2008-11-06T09:38:00.000-08:00

thank you for liking me despite my inability to date rape you mike tyson style

2008-11-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

i'm battered, i'm bruised, i've done something rather unfortunate to my coccyx, i'm slightly upset and utterly elated; i'll definitely be doing it again

2008-11-05T09:26:00.001-08:00

there is no vagina anywhere near my penis and it is making me sad

2008-11-05T09:02:00.000-08:00

i want to fuck a librarian

2008-11-05T08:21:00.000-08:00

i am sick and tired of being a hypochondriac.

2008-11-03T14:48:00.001-08:00

not everyone understands online literature

2008-11-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

there is a monster at the end of this blog

2008-11-01T05:54:00.000-07:00

i need an intern, lover, muse and masseuse

2008-10-27T02:53:00.001-07:00

you're so hot you're making me racist

2008-10-26T22:07:00.000-07:00

i tried to have a tea party with a picture of you but it just kept falling over

2008-10-26T12:25:00.001-07:00

french films make me want to eat french sandwiches, drink french wine, fuck french girls and take naps

2008-10-25T09:46:00.003-07:00

the internet is the bathroom wall

2008-10-25T09:46:00.001-07:00

you have the right to remain sexy

2008-10-24T15:02:00.000-07:00

fearless consumption of unbaked cookie dough throughout my childhood has equipped me with an invincible immune system

2008-10-24T07:37:00.001-07:00

tracy brannstrom wears pants

2008-10-24T05:46:00.001-07:00

subjugate that ass

2008-10-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

clean your body one piece at a time in the sink and try hard not to be friendly

2008-10-21T17:24:00.001-07:00

easy now, fuzzy little man peach

2008-10-20T20:26:00.001-07:00

period sex

2008-10-20T20:25:00.001-07:00

why are there commercials for tampons

2008-10-19T08:58:00.001-07:00

ultimately life-threatening

2008-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

get killed you motherfucker

2008-10-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

one person is adequate for booing

2008-10-18T13:25:00.000-07:00

both of your pupils are fly orgies and i want to break your jaw

2008-10-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

angry face and frightened face have sex to kill time because they think it is fun

2008-10-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

being born is like being kidnapped and sold into slavery

2008-10-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

i can't stop thinking of girls with pigtails as blowjobs with handlebars

2008-10-16T20:46:00.001-07:00

instant detestation of sexual partner

2008-10-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

i got a job at ben & jerry's and i'm not about to take any of this titty milk bullshit from you PETA assholes but guess my middle name and you can have some free sprinkles

2008-10-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

jesus christ will somebody get aimée some waffles already

2008-10-16T09:11:00.001-07:00

you pushed your boner against my buttcheeks and i pretended i was asleep

2008-10-16T07:24:00.001-07:00

i'm sorry i really like you but everyone you know is a spider

2008-10-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

sam pink might seem like a depraved individual but really he just finds comfort in the obscene because he can't handle how precious he is

2008-10-16T06:09:00.001-07:00

i keep forgetting to eat

2008-10-16T04:50:00.003-07:00

make like to me

2008-10-15T14:19:00.001-07:00

multidimensional date rape

2008-10-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

today i showered a second time after completely forgetting that i had showered the first time

2008-10-15T13:58:00.000-07:00

pile drivers kind of turn me on a lot

2008-10-15T13:33:00.002-07:00

tell your sister i said she fucks like a champ

2008-10-15T13:33:00.001-07:00

is that a hamster in your pants or are you just happy to see me

2008-10-15T10:13:00.001-07:00

might as well face it you're addicted to anal

2008-10-15T06:32:00.000-07:00

one day i'm going to respond to everything you say by smacking you in the face with a frozen mini waffle but i know you'll forgive me because you like that thing i do with my tongue

2008-10-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

i can haz sex slave

2008-10-15T06:13:00.001-07:00

i'm so hot right now

2008-10-15T06:05:00.001-07:00

i'd rather rim a meatloaf

2008-10-15T06:01:00.000-07:00

bouncing quarters off of asses since 1999

2008-10-15T05:36:00.003-07:00

oh my god oh my god don't stop don't stop

2008-10-15T05:35:00.001-07:00

lip my stocking

2008-10-15T01:11:00.001-07:00

dogs get periods too and i am a tired person can i sleep on your lap

2008-10-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

i wish the ghost that rapes me every night would bring twix bars over and like leave them in the fridge for when i wake up

2008-10-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

i hump your butt until all your blood falls into your skull and you have to pinch your nose to keep it all in

2008-10-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

today i was sitting in a chair at a restaurant eating and i felt a little hand on my hand and i turned around and there was a woman holding a baby and the woman said, "he just wants to touch your head" and i said "oh that is fine" and then the baby laughed

2008-10-15T00:44:00.000-07:00

smoke pcp everyday yo

2008-10-15T00:24:00.001-07:00

one time i heard i should look at you while we were fucking because apparently my pupils are all dilated

2008-10-15T00:21:00.000-07:00

HARD.

2008-10-14T17:34:00.001-07:00

how is it even possible that i am not getting laid right now

2008-10-14T16:53:00.001-07:00

i want you to focus all of your attention on me while you practice being incinerated

2008-10-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

get the condoms with oprah's head on em

2008-10-14T13:48:00.001-07:00

pressing the elevator button to your floor with my cock made the elevator spurt Shasta

2008-10-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

chewbacca mask for baby keeps its spittle in its head

2008-10-14T07:49:00.003-07:00

happiness is a warm tongue

2008-10-13T18:19:00.001-07:00

i keep forgetting to shower and brush my teeth

2008-10-13T17:32:00.001-07:00

i'll give you the best thirty seconds of your life

2008-10-13T17:04:00.001-07:00

i am destroying my career

2008-10-13T17:00:00.005-07:00

sam pink and blake butler sitting in a tree

2008-10-13T16:59:00.004-07:00

shania twain needs to let me feed her with a spoon while she changes my diaper

2008-10-13T16:58:00.005-07:00

semen is for swallowing

2008-10-13T16:15:00.000-07:00

olivia robin you are incredibly good looking and you make me feel like i am a worthless old homeless man who has like a lot of dirt on his face and his crotch smells really bad

2008-10-13T12:39:00.001-07:00

clitoral devastation

2008-10-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

blue light special

2008-10-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

i understand and i wish to continue